![]() ![]() I did my best to keep my kids calm while she checked each individual coupon for loopholes, but there’s only so much entertainment provided in the claustrophobic ally of the checkout line. Shaky with her checkbook and hesitant about her selection of various juice boxes, she fumbled with her clippings and broke out in a cold sweat as she watched her total climb higher. She was not one of these Jedis that I speak of she was a rookie. Unfortunately, the woman in front of me in the checkout line today was a different story. Skills that make them a nightmare for teenage cashiers and moms with impatient children like mine. Skills that they have acquired over a very lucrative career of browsing weekly ads and Sunday newspapers. However, there are women among us who do hold a very particular set of skills when it comes to discount shopping. I’m not giving up the time I spend binge-watching House of Cards to save 35 cents. Seriously, you have to buy seven boxes of granola bars before you get one half off? I’m going to spend at least that amount of money on the Band-Aids I’ll need to cover the open sores on my thumbs from clipping so many f’ing coupons! I tried my hand at couponing once upon a time, but it resulted mostly in finger cramps and frustration. If I could get away with serving ramen noodles for supper every night without dying a slow, painful death by saturated fats and sodium, I totally would. Let me be clear: I’m all about saving money. To make matters worse, not only do I have to worry about which of my children’s multiple personalities I’m going to have to tame in a public place, but I also have to navigate my way through the aisles alongside slow walkers, Chatty Cathies, senior discount shoppers, and the worst of them all, the crazy coupon ladies. I don’t know what it is about the grocery store that morphs my children into mutants straight out of a Stephen King novel, but it’s enough to keep me awake at night with a sense of impending doom on the eve of our trips there. #Extreme coupon clippings full#My kids could turn petting kittens while sitting in a bathtub full of Xanax and chocolate into a fight or flight response situation. Having kids has somewhat robbed me of my once exceptional ability to remain mellow. Well, it was my thing before I reproduced. Typically, I pride myself in my ability to keep cool in stressful situations. ![]()
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